I think nearly everyone I spoke to before this holiday asked “Why Borneo?” The short answer is the orangutans, obviously, though I hope to come back with a more substantial answer. When we finished our honeymoon in 2016, we decided that every anniversary should be an amazing experience – so this trip to Malaysia was our first evidence of our promise.
Flying from Heathrow, we were on to an early winner with getting exit seats. I’m a nervous flyer so it was comforting to know if an accident happened- I’d be first off. It was long though – 12 hours long, and call me old fashioned but 1 Gin & Tonic and a glass of white wine a party fight it doth not make.
Anyway, we arrived in Kuala Lumpur with our transfer for ‘Mr Benjamin Lacey & Party’ 2017’s answer to Netflix and chill (or whatever the kids are saying these days). First impressions – illogical airport and it’s hot… 27 degrees at 6:30AM. I’m pleased though, always good to have something to moan about. Our driver nearly killed us 3 times in our short time together. I made sure I updated this as he drove in case it was the only evidence in our tragic deaths, after he fell asleep at a traffic light I felt the world should know it was his fault.
First thing on our agenda, a couple of hours napping. Feeling refreshed, it was time to explore. I knew KL would be hot but good jesus I wasn’t ready for it – my thick British blood struggled initially to cope with the 30 plus degrees and outrageous humidity.
The great thing about travelling with Katie is that she takes me from the comfort of the beaten track, and true to form we immediately found ourselves in the slums. After a bit of walking and taking in our surroundings, I eventually won and we returned to the air conditioned shopping centre we’d earlier passed. Winner, nothing beats a spot of culture.
A quick stop at the hotel for a change out of my sweat drenched rags and we were off again, this time in search of ‘Heli’ – a rooftop bar making use of what I hoped was a discontinued helipad. It took some finding as there was zero reference to it at terra firma but alas find it we did and, GOOD NEWS, it was happy hour. It does exactly what it says on the tin, a bar with stair access to the helipad with various garden furniture and 360 views of Kuala Lumpur and the distant hills. we were up there for sunset, but with a mostly overcast sky, we didn’t see much in the way of sun setting – but I bet it is darn nice. No bother, as the skyline at night is up there with the best – many a photo were taken.
5 or 6 cocktails later (bloody lads) we made the journey back to the hotel, stopping at a Chinese restaurant called ‘Hakka’ on the way. I usually don’t eat in places I haven’t researched but it was busy and I hadn’t seen many cats or dogs since arriving so figured they wouldn’t be in the Chow mein. It was great and suitably full we returned to our hotel for a nightcap in the Sky bar- sexy pool and a snazzy DJ and reasonable prices (I say this, slightly cheaper than London prices, so depends on your appetite for getting shafted for a round). Unfortunately at this point, my daily updating of this blog tailed off so from here on in, expect more fiction and less detail…
The remainder of our visit to KL included trips up the KL tower and the Petronas Towers – both worthwhile excursions, who doesn’t love a tall building? I’m a bit of a geek when it comes to architecture so I was loving our hotel room with a Petronas Towers view. The KL tower made me chuckle when we were made to sign disclaimers that we wouldn’t throw ourselves or anyone else off the top of it – I wonder if and how much that is preventing the numbers ‘overboard’ (a quick google search doesn’t bring up much in the way of attempts so it looks like they do work..!). We ticked off some culture with the Batu Caves, a temple in the mountainside with a big 120 foot gold lad. I’d say I’m in better than average health but the 300 plus steps in the 30 degree heat really took its toll, genuinely I was sweating my proverbials off, and hungover to boot. Katie then felt the need to take me round ‘little India’ and ‘little China’ for some authentic KL – all fine until the first street market with all your typical Malaysian fare; street food, fabrics, and Mr Bean’s teddy…
Overall, a beautiful city and well worth a visit, although I would not say it did enough to get in to my Top 10.
Onwards. A quick 2.5 hour fight across to Kota Kinabalu, a city in Northern Borneo at the base of Mount Kinabalu. Malaysia Airlines have an upgrade system where you bid for an upgrade, which we did- WINNER. Great you say, until the drinks are served and we are told there is no alcohol on a domestic flight, BUGGER. We had a 2 night layover in a Shangri la hotel before the jungle- a well earned chill and beach downtime. Presumably the hotel is popular with the Chinese as we were the only non-chinese there, which was great for seeing over the camera wielding crowds at sunset. I have a super anecdote from our honeymoon about the chinese and dolphins (it’s better in person) and our first visit to the pool replicated that experience, dozens of fully grown adults in life rests and arm bands. It was like a scene from Titanic. To be fair to them, I could only just touch the bottom so to some it must have felt like a diving pool. Breakfast was interesting (chaos) and century eggs should be banished from whenst they came, putrid egg, not for me.
After a ridiculously early start we flew to Sandakan for some monkey business and first stop was Sepilock Orangutan & Sun bear sanctuary. We were there in time to see the baby orangutans being fed, which was amazing. I didn’t realise ‘orangutan’ meant ‘person of the forest’ which I guess makes sense, they are more human than some of the creatures round Woking (or Doncaster!!). We also got in on the adult feeding time, seeing a mother and her baby hurling bucket loads of fruit down their ginger gullets.
A flying visit was paid to the Sun Bears, the smallest of all bear and native to Borneo. They seemed like a nice bunch but mostly slept whilst we were there – spose they aren’t there for my entertainment. Good news, the guide found a snake that was only a little bit deadly, so happy days all round.
Next, the jungle. we had an hour-long boat ride down the Kinabatangan river to our lodge -Abai Jungle lodge (‘Abai’ meaning abandoned…). The lodge is on stilts over the banks of the river and really felt quite authentic, with all sorts of wildlife strolling round beneath. We were given the option of a room with air con or without – silly question, no matter how much I love the environment. We spent the next 2 days doing various exploring; multiple river cruises, nighttime nature walks, visiting the local village and planting a tree – you know, all the things a philanthropist like me would do in his free time.
We didn’t see any truly wild orangutans, but we did see loads of proboscis monkeys – made famous by their bulbous noses. Sadly, they are endangered so it was great to see so many of the proboscis brethren doing so well- the alpha male makes a noise like the incorrect answer in family fortunes to quiet down the rest of the pack (?)… Wah waah.
Overall, our jungle visit was a little bit ‘magical’. I really felt like we were in a truly jungle experience, and it was refreshing to not have the internet for a few days. We only kissed the tip of the jungle, it’s such a fascinating part of the world; the freshest air and pure silence (except the constant insect calls and the “Wah Waah”). It really was peaceful, despite the feeling that everything wanted to kill you
So, after a pretty hectic week, it was time for some time at the beach. We travelled back to Kota Kinabalu and transferred via boat to our home for the next 7 days, Gaya Island. I won’t bore you with too much detail but essentially we did a lot of sunbathing, drinking, and eating – it’s obviously just a British thing to get leathered on holiday as we were the last two in the bar on a nightly basis (which closed at 22:30 as well, sigh) We did some activities; a trek to a private beach (good lord you’ve never seen sweat like it) snorkelling, and a little bit of kayaking too…
Alas, all good things come to an end and I am typing this from the comfort of my sofa in Shoreditch, quickly losing my tan and slowly getting my head around going back to work tomorrow. We truly had an unforgettable holiday, perfectly balanced between citybreak, wildlife/activity, and the beach. After a total of over 15,500 miles travelled, I am keen to avoid planes for a while, and boats for that matter. I certainly won’t be complaining about the heat in Blighty anymore, if and when it occurs…
So, why Borneo? It was the perfect destination to see all sorts of wildlife, in their natural habitats. It really is a huge island and holds so many ‘wonders’, and includes some stunning beach and sea settings. It’s tropical – all year round (it was dry season and we were blessed with rain almost every day) so the booming sunshine and the flash rains create an environment where all walks of life are thriving. Sadly, anything that isn’t thriving is due to this planet’s biggest bunch of arseholes – humans (I reckon if Attenborough signed off with this, you’d all be lapping up his poetic genius)
I suspect we’ll go back one day – after we’ve ticked a few other destinations off…
Take luck,
Benny
